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Our Relationship With Money Is Emotional

 

Our relationship with money is emotional. How to make the most of your cash

Updated April 14, 2022 6:54 PM ET 

Andee Tagle

18-Minute Listen

Transcript

Photo Illustration by Becky Harlan/NPR
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It doesn't take an expert to know that money is so much more than dollars and cents. Our relationship with money is emotional. Hopes and fears, guilt and shame — they can all play a significant role in your financial life.

And those feelings can be tied to lots of things: our upbringing, our environment, plus, y' know, all the money messaging in the world and the media.

But honing those feelings and creating your own strong, secure financial voice? That takes some expertise. We can all, says Aliche, get good with money — we just have to get good with our feelings, first. Read on for tips for accessing your emotions around money, and learning to strengthen your financial voice. This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.

This story comes from Life Kit, NPR's family of podcasts to help make life better — covering everything from exercise to raising kids to making friends. For more, sign up for the newsletter and follow @NPRLifeKit on Twitter. Tiffany Aliche, better known as The Budgetnista, is a financial expert, educator, and author. Her book is a super practical guide to getting your financial house in order to achieve what Aliche calls financial wholeness. 

It's based around ten pillars: budgeting, savings, debt, credit, learning to earn, investing, insurance, net worth, getting your financial team in place and estate planning. Her book dives deep into each of these topics, but Aliche says this process begins with understanding your own financial identity and the many feelings and environmental forces that shape it. "For me, money is more mindset than dollars and coins," she says.

Andee Tagle: You talk about how you used to live in the state of financial fear, and you say that financial wholeness is the cure to that financial fear, or to financial trauma. I love that idea. How do you define that term?

Tiffany Aliche: I define financial wholeness as when all aspects of your financial life, and there's ten that we lean into truly — when all of these aspects of your financial life are working congruently for what I like to call your greatest good, your biggest benefit and your richest life. I would say financial freedom is for the few, but financial wholeness is for everyone. It doesn't matter how much you make. It doesn't matter what you do for a living. It doesn't matter how old you are. Financial wholeness can be achieved by everyone. And so it's just a holistic view of what to do with my money and how to maximize and make the most of it.

Andee Tagle: I want to talk a little bit about the emotions behind money. I loved what you had to say about being aware of the influences in our life that might affect our habits and our financial voice. I know in my own life, for example, I immediately thought about how my dad was always super, super frugal. You know, he asked for discounts wherever we went. That's a really valuable skill, but as a kid, I just remember feeling so embarrassed. And so now as an adult, I just have zero haggling ability and, you know, probably I'm worse off for it. How do we break those habits?

So one of the things I illustrate in the book is one, acknowledging that you see that habit. So that's first. You can't break something that you don't acknowledge and see: what is the habit that I'm seeing in myself? Then, two, exploring where it came from. And so, bravo to you again, Andee for recognizing, 'OK, this is from Dad,' you know. And then three, practicing in a safe environment.

So what I would tell you, is don't worry about the financial haggling for now. You know, if you are not haggling financially, you might be someone that's uncomfortable with asking the waiter for extra cheese—

Andee Tagle: Oh, one hundred percent. I can never send a sandwich back.

Okay so that's a baby step. So it's like, sending something back or maybe just asking for something additional like, 'Oh can I also get that,' because what you want to do is you want to practice advocating for yourself. Because it's hard to jump into the financial application if you're not able to advocate for yourself in small, little ways.

Andee Tagle: That's great advice. I want to talk a little bit about mindful spending. Can you break down the different priorities people should be thinking about for us?

Absolutely. It's: Do I need it? Do I love it? Do I like it? Do I want it? We already know needs: food, shelter, clothing, water. Things you must have to maintain your health and safety. Second, are your loves. Loves will continue to give you joy six months to a year from now. Likes give you temporary joy, in under six months you might not remember. And wants are fleeting.

So what I want people to do is to lean into the first half of the equation, your needs and your loves. So you need to take care of your health and safety and loves that give you lasting joy, and less money toward likes and wants — not no money, but the more money you spend on likes and wants, the less money you have for needs and loves.

Andee Tagle: You tell this great story in the book and it's about saying no to brunch with your girlfriends for a very specific reason. Can you share that story with us?

Yes, so friends of mine would go to brunch every Sunday and it was maybe, say, 30 to 50 bucks every time. And one day I realized I wanted to go on vacation, but I didn't have any money

And then when [my friend called] and was like, 'Hey, girl, you want to go to brunch?' I thought to myself, that's where my money is going! And I realized brunch is not a love for me because I don't even remember what we ate last week. I was spending my money on her loves.

Now, it's not her fault because she was doing what she was supposed to do, spend her money on her love. But she was convincing me to do so as well. So I stopped going and I almost made it like a drinking game. Every time somebody said "brunch," I put that money in my savings account.

And then when I had enough, I used it to go on my first solo trip. I wanted to go to Albuquerque because it's the hot air balloon capital of the world and I've never ridden a hot air balloon. And so now I learned that I'm not saying no to brunch, I'm saying yes to Morocco. I'm not saying no to brunch, I'm saying yes to India. I'm saying yes to Monaco. And so I always encourage people to do the same. I want you to use your money to live an actual richer, more joyful life. I want you to make sure you're not using your money towards someone else's idea of love.

I speak freely in front of my friends about money on purpose because I'm always trying to create a safe environment: 'I'm not going to judge; I don't know what's right or wrong for you, I'm just here to present you with as much knowledge as possible so you could choose the right choice for yourself.' So make sure that when you're looking for these safe spaces, that that's the energy you get.

This piece originally published on March 28, 2021.
The podcast version of this episode was produced by Clare Marie Schneider. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org. For more Life Kit, subscribe to our newsletter.

Spend savvier, save smarter:
5 tips to stop stress-spending

Updated December 18, 202410:10 AM ET 
By Lauren Migaki, Andee Tagle
NPR Life Kit

This story was originally published on Sept. 23, 2020, and has been updated.

We've all bought things we don't need: that candy bar at the grocery store checkout, those aspirational ice skates we definitely plan to use this winter.

Unnecessary spending looks different for everyone, but regardless of our financial situation, we could all stand to stretch our dollar a little further. Tiffany Aliche, better known as the Budgetnista, is a personal finance expert and educator — and she gets it.

"We impulse-shop because it feels good in the moment, right? It's like the Band-Aid," she says. "It's the cool glass of water on a really hot summer's day."

It's OK to do a little comfort shopping, especially in these tough times — "but what I've learned is to impulse-shop within parameters," Aliche says. Don't let short-term wants get in the way of your long-term savings goals.

Here are a few ways to start curbing that stress-spending and start saving a little smarter — today.

Make a budget. Don't just ballpark it in your head — write it down.

"Get a clear visual picture of what your money is doing now. The rule is, if it's not written down, then it's not a budget," Aliche says.

Once you've factored in necessities like food, shelter, water — and savings — then factor in fun. Whether your fun budget is $5 a week or $50 a week, it's important to set that money aside. "Money is not just meant to be responsible with — you're supposed to enjoy money, to use it as a tool to make your life better," says Aliche.

She speaks from personal experience. After over a decade as an early-childhood educator, Aliche lost her job and her home in the 2008 recession and had to move back in with her parents. After rebuilding her financial life from scratch, she decided to share the wealth and became a financial educator.

"I don't believe in over-sacrifice," says Aliche. "I impulse-shop as well. But what I've learned is to impulse-shop within parameters. So I give myself a weekly, if not monthly, budget where I can buy things within that budget."

Need it, love it, like it, want it.

Before you reach for those fun-budget funds, Aliche has a bit of advice. She says to ask yourself, " 'What are the things that really make me happy? What are the things that really bring me joy?' "

To keep those priorities straight, Aliche says she has a sticker on top of her computer that says, "need it, love it, like it, want it." And before hitting that purchase button, she wants to make sure that what she's buying is a love — that it will bring lasting joy.

"Likes are short-term joy. That means less than a year, I'll have forgotten about this thing," she says. "Wants are just instant gratification where not even a day later, I'm not going to be interested in this thing."

Sound familiar? We have all purchased some wants — whether it's a bright purple sequin T-shirt or an artsy tote bag from a concert or Rollerblades that are now gathering dust in the closet. These wants are particularly damaging, Aliche says, because "not only am I spending money that I don't have, but I'm actually making my life less enjoyable because these things don't give me lasting joy."

Don't worry if it doesn't come easily at first, Aliche says. "It's a muscle that you have to practice. Do I need it? Do I love it? Do I like it? Do I want it?"

Figure out your "noodle budget."

What is the bare-minimum amount of money that you need to keep going? What are the things that you can drop if times are tough? Aliche calls this her "noodle budget" (noodle as in ramen noodles, which she eats when things get tight). "For some people, it's peanut butter and jelly; for some people, it's rice and beans," she explains.

When you're strapped for cash, you should be able to cancel your cable or Netflix subscription and switch to ramen noodles before tapping into your savings or (gasp) retirement savings. "Focus on your budget now and what you can do now, so you don't take from your future," she says.

And if spending is still an issue, Aliche has a suggestion: First, cut up your credit card. But if you're the kind of person who has auto-saved credit card information into your favorite websites, you've got to go a step further. Call your credit card company, Aliche says, and tell it that you lost your card.

"They're going to reissue you a card. And when it comes, you're going to cut it or put it away," she says. Aliche compares it to digging a ditch and says if you don't want to keep digging deeper and deeper into debt, you have to put the shovel — your credit card — down.

Create and maintain a savings plan.

You should have between three and six months' worth of emergency savings. Set it up in an account that has a good interest rate. Aliche says it's also worth putting this cash in a bank that isn't associated with your checking account, so it isn't convenient or fast to transfer that hard-earned savings.

"Automation, automation, automation," Aliche says. She recommends automatically withdrawing your savings and your bills into separate accounts each month.

Don't cheat your future self — your Wanda!

Being responsible with money can be a drag. Instead of impulse-buying a plane ticket to Paris on a credit card, it means saving that money slowly over time. Aliche's way of making this drudgery more fun is a woman named Wanda.

"I have named my future self. Her name's Wanda. She is sassy and a little bit of a gossip," says Aliche. "Wanda is 70 years old. And I think to myself, 'It is literally my job now, as Tiffany, to take care of Wanda.' And so if I say, 'You know what? I would actually rather have cable now. ... Wanda, you'll be eating ramen' — that's not fair!"

Visualizing and naming your future self is a joyful way to think about saving for your future. "It's everyone's job to take care of their older self," Aliche says. "So what can you do now to make sure that your Wanda doesn't have to work as hard?"

Finally, remember to give yourself a break.

It is, perhaps, an understatement to say that we live in tough times. Aliche says it's important to give yourself a break if you make a financial mistake. "It's OK not to be perfect. It's OK not to know the full way. So be easy on yourself — do the best that you can."

The podcast portion of this episode was produced by Andee Tagle. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org. For more Life Kit, subscribe to our newsletter.

 

5 financial habits to leave behind for a more prosperous new year

January 4, 2025 5:00 AM ET

By 

Marielle Segarra

, 

Malaka Gharib

18-Minute Listen

You can use the new year as a fresh start to leave some bad money habits behind.

PM Images/Getty Images

At this moment, right at the start of the new year, you may be looking at your credit card bills or bank statements and thinking: Oh boy. I really need to get my finances in order. 

Maybe you were a little too click-happy with your online shopping in 2024. Maybe you missed a few credit card payments. Or maybe you got stuck with a medical bill you can't pay off, and it's having a domino effect on your finances.

If you want to get a better handle on your spending in 2025, Life Kit's experts are here to help. They share five financial habits to leave behind in 2024 — so you can save money and have a more prosperous new year.

Habit to leave behind: Getting influenced into buying things you don't need (and can't afford)

This section comes from a story published on Sept. 5, 2024, by Stacey Vanek Smith 

In a world of flash sales and ads that follow you from site to site, the temptation to shop online is everywhere. To curb your impulse spending, limit your exposure to shopping deals and "get a grip on your social media," says sustainable fashion writer Aja Barber.

• Unfollow any social media accounts that persuade you to spend money, says fashion industry professional Elysia Berman. That includes fashion influencers, stylists and clothing brands. 

• Unsubscribe from the email lists of your favorite brands, says Barber. Getting daily or weekly updates about sales and price reductions is not helpful.
• Follow mindful consumption influencers and groups. Berman made a point to follow people who were also working on changing their spending habits. "They became almost like a support group," she says. 
• Block websites where you tend to impulse-shop. Berman did this with some of her top fashion sites. "That way, I wasn't even tempted to browse," she says.

Find out how the "no-buy challenge" can save you money. 

Habit to leave behind: Feeling like you need more expensive things 

This section comes from a story published on July 15, 2022, by Ruth Tam and Michelle Aslam

When people get a raise or a new job and start making more money, their spending often starts ticking up. "They immediately look around at other people making six figures and say, 'Oh, this is the level we're at now. I have to get a bigger house. I have to upgrade my home,'" says financial educator Yanely Espinal.

This spending behavior — called "lifestyle creep" or "lifestyle inflation" — can start to snowball. It's why some people who earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a year find themselves living paycheck to paycheck, says Espinal.

If you're making more money, your savings rate should also increase. Adjust how much you save based on what you earn. If you have the option, ask your employer to make a direct deposit into your high-yield savings account so that the saved money is automatically set aside. You don't need to deprive yourself of everything you want. Just be aware of your spending and whether those habits are working for you.

Learn more about lifestyle creep here. 

Habit to leave behind: Paying for subscriptions you don't need or use

This section comes from an episode that aired Feb. 12, 2024, and was hosted by Liliana Maria Percy Ruiz

The first thing you're going to do is check your credit card statements, your bank statements and the subscriptions tab on services like Google and Apple. Make a list of what you are paying for and when each one expires or renews, and then figure out what you use. If you don't use a service at all and don't expect to, that's easy — get rid of it.

But what do you do about the subscriptions you sometimes use? Make a TV diary, says NPR TV critic and media analyst Eric Deggans. It can help you decide on whether those apps stay or go.

"Take two weeks or even a month, and just monitor what you watch and what you like," he says. "Don't change your habits at all."

You may discover that "you're spending a lot more time on YouTube than you thought. So maybe you want to get the ad-free version," says Deggans. To pay for it, you may decide to jettison another premium subscription or get the standard plan with ads.

Listen to our episode on how to save money on streaming services.

Habit to leave behind: Ignoring your credit card debt 

This section comes from a story published on Sept. 11, 2024, by Marielle Segarra 

If you find yourself routinely missing credit card payments, come up with a plan to pay down your debt, says Espinal.

Free online calculators can help you do that. Let's say you have a $500 balance on a 0% card. If you make monthly payments of $50, it will take you 10 months to pay off your debt.

Make sure you factor those payments into your monthly budget. Take a look at your savings, assets and income, as well as your debt, fixed expenses like rent and fluctuating monthly expenses, and then figure out how and when you can pay that credit card bill off.

Espinal says that she was struggling with credit card debt in 2014 and that having a plan to pay it off gave her a way forward. "I knew that by October 2015, I was going to make my last payment. I was going to be debt-free."

Find more smart credit card habits here. 

Habit to leave behind: Settling with a medical bill you can't afford 

This section comes from a story published on March 30, 2023, by Marielle Segarra, Sylvie Douglis, Iman Young and Christina Shaman 

If you get a medical bill you can't afford, here's what you can do to get rid of, reduce or negotiate the bill, according to Jared Walker, founder of Dollar For, a nonprofit that helps people eliminate their medical bills.

1. See whether you're eligible for the hospital's charity care program. Walker says nonprofit hospitals are required to provide free or reduced-cost care to patients within a certain income range, which varies from hospital to hospital. It's not always advertised, so reach out and ask about it.

2. If you don't qualify for financial assistance, ask the billing office for an itemized bill. This will show all the procedures you received and each one's associated code, called a Current Procedural Terminology (CPT) code. Look over your bill (you may have to look up the CPT codes), and ensure the charges accurately reflect your treatment.

3. If your bill is technically correct, you can try to negotiate the amount owed. "I always tell people the numbers are fake. They don't matter. It can always be lowered," says Walker.

If you have some savings and you can afford to pay something up front, call the billing office and ask for a settlement amount, or what they'll accept if you pay the bill that day. "Typically, we can get 30 to 50% off," says Walker.

4. If paying something up front isn't an option, you can ask the hospital to put you on a payment plan, which typically has lower interest rates than a credit card.

Find more tips on how to negotiate your medical bill here. 

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The digital story was edited by Meghan Keane. The visual editor is Beck Harlan. We'd love to hear from you. Leave us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or email us at LifeKit@npr.org. 

Listen to Life Kit on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, and sign up for our newsletter. Follow us on Instagram: @nprlifekit.

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